Better Than Ramen Noodles

If you are anything like me you grew up thinking that Oriental and Vegetable flavored Ramen Noodles are vegetarian. Surprise!!! They're not. The Americanized Ramen we grew up eating all too frequently in college is a bastardization of a traditional Japanese noodle dish, originating from China, and when holding true to tradition, would contain a base broth of chicken or pork--though not the long list of additives and preservatives like the dreaded MSG (mono sodium glutamate).

I would go so far as to caution instant ramen consumers of the health risks, a food high in sodium and carbohydrates and packed with preservatives is logically not healthy. (Though I'm sitting across from someone eating a fast food hamburger (I'm at Marble, for those in Burque)--which is clearly not nutritious.) The "All Experts Encyclopedia" online cites an urban legend in which a student gave himself scurvy subsisting only on ramen noodles. (Oh! And now the guy across from me is eating chicken nuggets too! He's gunna die dude.)

I would go so far as to claim that if you follow my simple recipe below it will take you just as long as instant ramen--only as long as it takes the water to boil and the noodles to cook. I highly suggest staging a race with your friend in the kitchen.

The Recipe

rice noodles (a handful)

boiling water (more than you will use, you can always pour it off)

any vegetables you have in your fridge, chopped*

braggs

cock sauce (no giggles)**

garlic chile oil***

*If they are veggies you would use in a salad keep them raw, if you would typically steam them then you should add them to the boiling water when the noodles are halfway done.

** And *** see photo for brands.

Basically you boil the water and chop your vegetables (that's all the work involved!). If any of the veggies require steaming throw them in at some point while the water is still boiling, that point depends on your discretion. Then you pour off some of the water, add the other vegetables and season with condiments to taste. I usually add tofu. Unfortunately today my tofu was found to have expired. Let us please have a moment of silence to mourn the loss of another unfortunate death inside my refrigerator. Tofu, you were my life, you supported me with protein that provided the "building blocks" of my body (whatever that slogan means), though you may be linked to estrogen based disorders in the body I don't believe it in moderate consumption. Tofu, I love you. We will be together again soon. Please bow your heads.

The vegetables I added were purple kale, carrot, yellow beet, red leaf lettuce, celery, and parsley (really an herb). The purple kale turned the steam water blue, I took some photos. I have heard that nothing in nature is blue (blueberries are actually purple when crushed). I am researching this because I am not really sure if I can trust a caterer who uses Sysco. And in my brief momentary research I realize the health benefits of purple kale and the existence of naturally occurring blue produce will have to wait.

Stop Free Radicals!

At some point when you were a child your mother probably tried to push brussel sprouts claiming they were "baby cabbages"...imagine. Though in a sense she was right. The brussel sprout comes from the cruciferous vegetable clan that includes not only cabbage but broccoli, cauliflower, and leafy greens such as kale. The etymology of the word cruciferous indicates a relationship to Jesus, well really just the crucifix. I like to think this is because of the miraculous healing powers of cruciferous vegetables but it is really just a name for the sake of identification: the flowers grow like a cross.

You have probably heard the miraculous powers of cruciferous vegetables being extolled on the streets, and what you hear is true. Not only can these oddly formed veggies help prevent cancer, they can also talk to your DNA and tell it to stop making cancer cells and produce cells that will actually fight to kill cancer. I'm not completely sure of the process but it involves glucosinolates, more specifically one called sulforaphane. Sulforaphane is produced when these vegetables are chopped or chewed--so for God's sake, don't swallow them whole. This powerful produce has been shown in studies (not cited here) to prevent and/or reverse breast, colon, bladder, lung, ovarian and prostate cancer. This family of veggies also assists with lowering the risk of heart disease, which I believe is still the number one cause of death for Americans. Also supporting a healthy immune system, the manufacture of collagen (for building skin, connective tissue, cartilage, and tendons), colon health, good digestion, prevents birth defects, and more.

But the miracles do not stop here. Brussel sprouts boast a ridiculous amount of Vitamin C (161.2% of your daily recommendation from the FDA) and Vitamin K (clocking in at a whopping 273.5%). In addition, ranking very well in delivering a healthful supply of Folate, Vitamin A, Manganese, Fiber, Potassium, and Vitamin B6 (ranking from 22% to 14% in descending order). Tryptophan, Vitamin B1 (thiamine), Omega 3 Fatty Acids, Iron, Phosphorus, Protein, Magnesium, Vitamin B2 (riboflavin), Vitamin E, Copper, and Calcium should not be forgotten bringing up the rear with percentages ranking from 12% to 6%. And vitamins are good for you. Need I say more.

Though the Brits voted them the most hated vegetable in 2002 I would argue they really are stupid twits and can't cook. Sorry for the national slurs, take no offence really--just follow the recipe below:

How to Cook Brussel Sprouts

1 cup brussel sprouts

1/2 cup water

1 tablespoon Braggs liquid amino acids (tamari and soy sauce can sub)

1/2 teaspoon caraway seeds

1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes

1-2 tablespoons olive oil

1-2 tablespoons feta cheese

Clearly you should wash them first. Preferably you should soak them in case they have bugs, but who has time for that? Instead just choose your produce carefully. Look at the leaves, if they look like they have bites taken out of them then they have aphids. If they look yellowy with brown spots, they're probably old.

Now that you have your cleaned brussel sprouts cut them in half lengthwise. Boil them on high in the water with the braggs, caraway seeds and red pepper flakes. Use a frying pan such as a cast iron skillet (preferred). Once the water has boiled off pour in the olive oil. Let the sprouts lightly braise (a slight burn will enhance the flavor). Remove from heat, sprinkle with feta, serve and enjoy better health. Do share with your friends, especially if they're British, so they too can actually enjoy the exceptional taste of the notoriously misjudged brussel sprout.